


Is This Guy For Real?

by psiten



Category: Tokyo Babylon, X -エックス- | X/1999
Genre: Inspired by CLAMP Twitter Omakes, M/M, OC Bystander Narrator, Sakurazuka Seishirou Reads Self-Help Books, Sakurazuka Seishirou is Not Convincingly Human, Sakurazuka Seishirou is a Jerk, Sumeragi Subaru Has Had It Up to Here With Your Shit, Yuletide Treat
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-20
Updated: 2015-12-20
Packaged: 2018-05-07 20:00:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,664
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5469176
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/psiten/pseuds/psiten
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>The rest of the packed crowds walked away from him, nervous stares on their faces. He pulled off his sunglasses with a smirk when he got to where she was standing. Naturally, all her fellow employees had found somewhere else to be. She was the only one left to stare down this creeper (with her customer service smile on, of course, because the customer may not always be nice, but the customer is always the customer).</p>
</blockquote>In Which Sakurazuka Seishirou makes an important series of purchases, including what may be the least thoughtful Christmas gift in history.
            </blockquote>





	Is This Guy For Real?

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Kisuru](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kisuru/gifts).



     There was nothing about the man that Yukiko liked. Well, he was handsome enough, and nicely dressed and all that, but there was something ominous about him as he walked up to the help desk at the bookstore -- where, unfortunately, she was the person on duty. His trench coat billowed as if there were a wind in the store, which there wasn't. Their climate control was really good. The rest of the packed crowds walked away from him, nervous stares on their faces. He pulled off his sunglasses with a smirk when he got to where she was standing. Naturally, all her fellow employees had found somewhere else to be. She was the only one left to stare down this creeper (with her customer service smile on, of course, because the customer may not always be nice, but the customer is always the customer).

     "Hello, little girl. Do you like books?"

     Her reply froze in her mouth at first. Could the man have possibly been more creepy about that? Geez. "C-can I help you find something? Sir?"

     "Yes. I was looking for the self-help section. There are a few guides I wanted to pick up. Something, perhaps, about how to converse naturally at parties. Or among colleagues."

     Again with the creepy smile, one that caused his eyes to squint closed like he was hiding something behind a facade of conspicuous happiness, even though she couldn't put her finger on exactly what it was that made it so disturbing. She was too busy shuddering, honestly, and trying to prevent herself from saying, "Maybe look in a mirror?"

     That would've been rude, and also, she wasn't entirely sure he wouldn't kill her. This guy sort of had that, "I could kill you without thinking twice about it," vibe about him. Definitely not her favorite customer of the day. So she took a deep breath. She had to keep calm. Even if he was a killer -- and how many killers walked up to bookstore clerks in the middle of Tokyo to ask for self-help books? -- he probably wasn't going to stick a knife in her chest while she was on shift. There were too many witnesses, and cameras to boot.

     "Follow me, sir. The self-help section is right this way!"

     Honestly, she would have preferred if he walked in front so she could see him, but instead he did exactly what she asked. He followed her, and she could feel his eyes on her back the whole time, kind of like creepy crawly spiders on her shoulders, and she would definitely want to take a shower as soon as she got home. There was no indication whatsoever that this creepiness around her customer was ever going to disappear. But she would lead him to the self help books, and that would be that! Right?

     "It's a lovely store you have here, Miss--?"

     "Yukiko," she answered, without thinking. Oh, why oh why had she given her real name? "Thank you. A-and you are?"

     Probably best to get the gentleman's name just in case, so she could tell a friend who he was in case he showed up after shift to kill her. Goodness, why did she keep getting the impression that he wanted to kill her? At least she could be certain everyone else had it, too, because the usually thick and impervious crowds all noticed the man coming five feet away and found other aisles to inhabit. Looks of terror filled every one of their faces.

     "You can call me Sakurazuka."

     Oh, great. An incredibly common last name to go with the gorgeous but pretty much indescribable face. Oh, yes, Officer! He was six-foot-two, had dark hair, a slim but sturdy build, and was incredibly hot! Can you define 'hot', here, miss? What did his nose look like, or his eyes? Well, sir, they looked like a nose and eyes. Only hot. She'd get laughed out of the police station, no doubt, and a name like Sakurazuka wouldn't help track him down. She knew, like, five Sakurazukas who'd never tried to kill anyone. Although, of course, she didn't know if she could be sure that Sakurazuka was even his real name.

     "Well, Sakurazuka-san, here are the books you were looking for." She gestured to the wall on her left. "You'll find them in order by the type of help you might want. Public speaking, positive thinking, working with others, reading body language..."

     Naturally, the first one he pulled off the shelf, with his creepy grin starting to show some tooth, was "How to Win Friends and Influence People". What a classic. Somehow, she wasn't comfortable with the idea of this man learning how to win friends and influence people. What if he used that knowledge for evil? But what was she supposed to do? Tell a customer not to buy books? She'd probably get fired.

     "Well, Sakurazuka-san, if you need any more help, I'll be happy to assist you."

     Or at least, it would be her job to assist him.

     He slid his sunglasses back on with a dramatic pause, holding out his arm to the side for no reason she could see, and gazing intently at the air by his shoulder. "Should I ask her for help with something else? What should I ask, do you think?"

     Somehow, although she couldn't hear anything, a sensation she could only describe as the feeling of a hawk's scream cut through her like a knife made of ice. This was all kinds of not okay. Who the hell was this creep, anyway?

     While she waited in silence, on her toes in case she had to run but certain she wouldn't be able to scream if she needed to, he looked back, smiling as if he hadn't done anything amiss. "I think this will do. For now."

     "O-of course. Well. Good luck, sir."

     Yukiko walked back to her station as quickly as she could without looking like she was panicking. Holy freaking shit, he was a creepball. If anyone had ever needed help behaving like a person, it was him! And if she never saw him again in her life, it would be too soon. She thought about pulling out her cellphone to get a picture of his face and email it to all her friends so they knew to stay clear, but she got the feeling he'd hear the shutter and know what she'd done. And then he'd probably actually kill her or something, and delete the photo, and then track down every friend she'd mailed it to, and...

     Not worth it. She'd settle for never seeing him again.

     "Excuse me, Yukiko-chan?" that soul-chilling voice said while she was trying to calm herself down.

     There, at her desk, was Sakurazuka, holding a bag the size of is enormous shoulders, full to the brim with what looked like every self-help book on the shelf. So, rich as well as creepy. Awesome. And hella strong, if she had to guess from the way he was carrying that load like it was nothing. She'd seen stock workers at the store groan under less, and he was carrying it like it was as light as a feather. That was even scarier than the thing where he'd been talking to the air. Like, immediate proof that he could strangle her with one hand.

     Wow. Not thinking about that anymore.

     "M-may I help you, Sakurazuka-san?"

     "The man at the checkout counter said I should come here to redeem the points from my purchase for a prize. It looks like there's enough for a stuffed animal here... I don't suppose you have a penguin?"

     She looked at the rack of animals behind her, full of lions and tigers and other such things. "I'm sorry, sir, we appear to be out of penguins..."

     "I see. In that case, may I have that monkey? He seems cute."

     "Just a moment..."

     "In the star-print gift box, if you don't mind!" he added while she pulled the monkey from the shelf.

     Technically, the star-print gift box was for another promotion, but her supervisor was standing two feet away, giving her a frantic nod that clearly meant she should give this man anything he wanted. So she did.

     She hoped he was happy with his new self-help library and his plush monkey. And this time for real, she hoped she never saw him again.

~//~

     The combination of a person he never expected to see outside his home -- namely Sakurazuka Seishirou, proving that he did in fact have the ability to find Subaru's location at will -- and the gaudy gift box in his hands that looked like something out of someone else's life made Subaru pause mid-exhale with smoke burning his lungs. The former veterinarian lifted the lid off the box, since Subaru wasn't doing it. There was a stuffed monkey inside. It's soulless glass eyes stared back at him over the meaningless, unchanging stitches of its embroidered smile. If he'd eaten today, it might have made him want to throw up.

     "For you," Seishirou-san said. "You like animals."

     "... Seriously?"

     "Well, it _is_ Christmas."

     "I have no idea what to do with y-- No. Don't answer that, Seishirou-san."

     The asshole looked so proud of himself, despite the fact that they were about as far from gift-giving terms as two people could be, thanks entirely to Seishirou-san. But with the battle for the fate of the world in full swing, now wasn't the time to think about Seishirou-san's motives. Subaru texted the main house to let them know he might need a new apartment soon, since if he and Seishirou-san started a fight on his block, they were likely to destroy his building before he finished his cigarette, let alone got his kekkai up. But before he could finish typing, "Find new apt - skrzm here," Seishirou-san was gone again. Nothing remained but a sad monkey stuffed into a cardboard box, sitting on the street.

     Well. It wasn't like he could leave it there.

**Author's Note:**

> 1) The narrator in the first scene mentions Seishirou having normal eyes, even though (of course) he's had one stabbed out at this point. I choose to assume that Seishirou uses his skills in illusions to make himself look less remarkable (and thus less identifiable) whenever he's around people who aren't involved in his personal business.
> 
> 2) For those who are unfamiliar with the omakes CLAMP have published on their twitter, here are some links to the original pictures with commentary in English:
> 
>  
> 
> [The Self-Help Book picture](http://vantasticmess.tumblr.com/post/131700866751/knightarcana-blood-clamp-clamp-twitter)  
> [The Christmas Gift picture](http://subaru-sumeragi.tumblr.com/post/135324587953/blood-clamp-clamps-twitter-to-add-some)


End file.
